In my journey through loneliness, I have reached three conclusions that have and continue to help me through those moments when I feel lonely and/or alone:
Conclusion 1: We are never alone…because we have our Self.
Two years ago, my partner died from brain cancer. He passed away four months after diagnosis. Two years ago, I decided to live “off grid”. I left San Antonio, Texas, with all my belongings that would fit in my car, and drove back to California, choosing San Diego as my destination. I had never driven by myself before. I did not know where I was going to be when I got to San Diego. I took five weeks to get there...
All I knew before I left was a yellow marker line I made on an atlas map, leaving San Antonio, going to Dallas (I ended up staying with a friend for two weeks to recover), Weatherford for three days, then leaving for Armarillo. I was FINALLY experiencing life on my own on this trip!
Looking back now, I did not have a “plan” to stay out five weeks – I followed my Heart in what I wanted to experience and had such incredible moments on my journey. I realized that I am NEVER alone--that I am and have my Self in choosing, deciding what I want to do….or not….the personal Freedom to pick what brings me joy in the moment to experience…or not…and to go with what inspires me from inside out, in making each choice on my journey!
I went with what felt good in the moment to experience and when the time came, allowed myself to experience the grief in the loss of my partner…and met lovely people along the way!
Conclusion 2: Loneliness gives us space to deal with feelings as they come up.
Since the death of my partner, I've chosen to live alone. In choosing to live alone, I’ve found my feelings come up from time to time – usually from remembering a past event. I had a moment recently, where I thought of my former passed partner and got VERY emotional. I allowed myself to cry, not caring how long, how deep, how painful it was – I decided to just cry – to embrace the totality of my grief, emotional pain, giving it space to be expressed – for all the times I couldn’t do that…then. I ended up taking out our “Love Story” writings to each other before we met and boy, I cried, emoted, wept for a LONG time. I had forgotten some of the things we shared – our created poetry, our lives and through it all, was the love through our writing to each another that had us choose to come together in our lives.
I found that being alone and allowing space for my emotions and grief to be expressed was healing at the core of my being!
Conclusion 3: Loneliness gives space for Beingness….filling us up from the inside out.
This year I moved closer to the beach, and found after the third day of being here, how quiet it was. In this space, I felt and knew that I was Home…in my Self. I experienced this feeling and intrinsic understanding that allowing solitude and silence fills me up on the inside! Being in this space is a “living mediation” in letting all thoughts go, focusing on my breathing, embracing my Self on all levels to knowing and experiencing that I am NEVER alone – that I have…Me as my best partner, my best friend and my best…Love! And, I am finding my “rhythm” of what works for me throughout my day, and I am following that moment to moment in partnering with my Heart…Speaking intuition!
So, I want you to know that loneliness can give ourselves space to Be, to fill ourselves from inside out, and give us space to deal with feelings/emotions as they come up. And the result of these experiences will be knowing that we are NEVER alone, because we have our Self!