CYNTHIA STARR, QUANTUM CATALYST
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​Boundaries:  A Good Choice Toward Self-Empowerment

7/26/2017

2 Comments

 
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​I realized recently, within the last few years, that I have not been very good at boundaries in my everyday life. There is some part of me that on some level wants outside approval, to be liked, loved, wanted, even needed, to feel I belong….with a friend, a group and sometimes, as a part of my family.

I noticed this issue of boundaries in almost every area of my life, and I realized a couple of things:

1.  No boundaries means taking on too much responsibility by not saying "No".
I noticed I had almost no boundaries in all my relationships (personally and  professionally). I would live out patterns where I took on too much responsibility. I very rarely said “No” to things I did not want/need to do. I was almost always “out of rhythm” with myself and my own needs.

2.  No boundaries means living your life on someone else's terms.
I was almost always living out my life on someone else's or society’s terms when it came to Being, Living my life.  I didn’t really know what I desired, needed, or wanted. I realized I didn’t know what my “rhythm” was, except that I needed to follow others’ to feel that I “fit” in.

I decided to change some habit patterns and my first change was to say “No”, simply and completely, without needing to give a reason at all for that ‘No’.  I could see that saying ‘No’ was…very freeing, and created a “drama-free" life, where I felt empowered and powerful within myself and my life. 

The second pattern I shifted was in choosing to feel better or choose thoughts, feelings, actions in my life that simply “feel good” to me in this moment – moment-to-moment, that bring in appreciation and gratitude, and that give me more “feel good” moments, resulting in me feeling…happy inside me!

So, choosing to honor boundaries with myself and in my life is and continues to be a way for me to continue allowing myself to Be, Living and walking Me in my life!

2 Comments
Susan Burton
2/7/2021 03:45:48 pm

Hi Cynthia! I wanted to let you know how much I LOVE your blogs.

They are short, to-the-point, and easy to read. I got SO MUCH out of all of them in just a few minutes.

With this blog on SETTING BOUNDARIES, I really LIKED your point about how you need to say NO. I need to say NO more often. I thought I was getting better in the past 5 years. But alas, no! I fell apart again in 2021.

I got myself WAY overcommitted by being excited by potential clients' copywriting projects. I gave them a package with a price; they said NO. But I did NOT say, "I'm sorry we won't be working together this month. Maybe in the future." I changed my higher financial standard to accommodate their project. I am working HARD for next to nothing! I am so disappointed in myself.

Thanks for this blog. It helped me see where I went wrong. You are such a CLEAR writer. I start spinning in my own head when I write (as you can probably see) and bog myself down.

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